The past 2 years, my wife, Tracy, has gotten invitations to various events through blogging. Some I have gone to with her and some I haven’t. The most recent event was the Blogalicious conference this past weekend.
Tracy has always been pretty publicly open about my dislike of these kinds of things.
In the past our fights for and against events were basically like this:
Me: You’re being selfish for wanting to go off on your own.
Her: You’re being selfish for not letting me go off on my own.
I’m starting to accept that maybe we both have a point.
While I didn’t go to the actual Blogalicious conference, I had the opportunity to meet many of Tracy’s “bloguera” friends this past weekend. I could see within minutes that Tracy was part of a group of good people who care for her very much. I’ve never been a fan of male/female friendships, (it’s culturally hard-wired, sorry) – but I really came to admire and like some of Tracy’s friends. I was surprised by how much they know about me even though I know that Tracy blogs about me. Some have read this blog. Some congratulated me on going back to school. Others congratulated me on marrying Tracy, (ya sé que me gané la lotería con ella.) Some extended sympathy for the situation with my mother. Some asked me friendly and interesting questions.
It made me feel good but also it made me realize an area of my life that is missing something. My best friend is in El Salvador and I would consider other men I’ve met through work to be just acquaintances … Now that my mother isn’t part of my life and I have limited family I speak with, I’m understanding more the importance of friendship and having a community of people to understand, support and encourage you. It’s difficult to come to that conclusion since I’m not very social, (online or in real life), and not likely to seek it out.
While I was coming to understand Tracy’s need for these kind of events better, she somehow was also coming to understand things from my perspective. She told me that “finding balance” and “priorities” were major topics of conversation with her blogging friends. These topics are so hot that one of the conference sessions was about the same issue. We had long discussions about everything she had on her mind. Apparently it made her think a lot about these issues in our life together. I can already see some positive changes she’s made. She isn’t checking her phone as much, for one thing.
I don’t know what this means for us on this issue in the future. Maybe I will never like her going to events and maybe she will always love going, but I think balance and understanding are what we’re both working towards.